Be wary of the things you say.
When you enter any room, onto any stage, be comforted in the fact, that you are supposed to be there. Hopefully not a courtroom…at least, not as a defendant or perpetrator.
Gary V said, and I am paraphrasing here… He could spend all day, all year, speaking about all the things he sucks at. He chooses to speak about the things he’s good at.
A lot of people tell themselves horrible things, think of themselves in awful ways, and ultimately become those things. I am not innocent of this, but I have learnt how to focus on the good, the better parts of me while I work on the parts I am not so fond of.
If we think highly of ourselves, then everyone who engages with us has been rewarded with the privilege to do so. Likewise, if they also think highly of themselves, they have rewarded you with the privilege to engage them. This creates mutual respect if everyone thinks this way of themselves. Not from a place of bad ego, but good ego, confidence, in the love you have for yourself.
My life has fallen apart so many times I lost count… A lot of people I knew are all lost, gone. I questioned myself many times, but in the end, I can stay down and do nothing, or do as I always do, rebuild crying myself to sleep, eating alone staring at the fucking walls. This is the journey, that’s the reality, this is life. An essence completely detached from your work, but it fuels everything. The happier you are, the better you perform, and the more you gain.
Words have power, and we must tell ourselves things that motivate us, especially when it’s darkest… it is in those dark moments that we find ourselves, that we define who we are, and set the rules of our engagement. It is in those times that we need to perceive the positive, the good things in ourselves.
I am not speaking about that toxic positive, pseudo-zen bullshit, that’s not true zen… I am not saying to avoid conflict or negativity, I am saying learn how to navigate them, learn about them, and understand them, so you can fuel a positive response.
Some of the most toxic people I have ever met are linear thinkers and avoid conflict… because they don’t know how to handle it without becoming horrible people. Instead, they suppress the horrible feeling they need to express and ignore the problem, ultimately ignoring you. And this happens in both professional and personal spaces.
Nidhi Tewari, LCSW, a mental health expert, said that people who are uncomfortable with their own emotions shut you down, they change the subject and tell you to be positive… That’s toxic. I am not exactly the most comfortable with emotional situations, but that’s a long history of things I won’t get into. However, I practice not shutting people down, I just let them know when I get uncomfortable. What I have is a psychological condition, I am more analytical and I try to asses and then I respond. I am also learning how to handle that, sometimes people just need someone to listen to them, not a solution.
Words have power, we must not put ourselves down, or anyone else, we must inspire, create, and motivate change in ourselves, and others. How we think or speak about our ideas, our dreams, and ourselves, can murder great opportunities as soon as they come. We kill our ideas quickly with our words… or we can nurture them.
If you feel discarded, abandoned, any form of neglected, alone… fuck it. No one can help anyway, even if they are around. It’s nice to have a support system that keeps you grounded and motivated, but sometimes, and in any case, only you can rise.
What is that dream? What do you wish to have? Who do you wish to become? I do not support the thinking that you fake it until you make it. I believe that we start to be who we intend on becoming, and we act according to that objective. We tell ourselves we are that person already, and we work our way into the position because we already know it exists, it is ours, and we make it so.
As I like to say, a little narcissism never hurts… Ego is only a problem when it allows you to treat other people, especially those less than you, poorly. None of us deserve anything, we achieve, we acquire things by participating in gaining them. It all starts with how we perceive ourselves, and what we say to ourselves each day. Life is not without its challenges, we can’t avoid them, we can only learn how to overcome them, none of this is easy, it was not meant to be…
We cannot hold others accountable for the decisions we make, we can only hold ourselves in contempt for making decisions that are not beneficial to ourselves. Sometimes, we have to take risks in order to find out the answer to that benefit or to open a new door to something greater than ourselves, even if we can’t see it.
A reminder, that great things take time, excellence is a habit, practice good habits, and have a personal life goal, this will be your guide in all things, including the professional. We must convince ourselves so that our subconscious can aid in our decision-making.
I saw someone say recently on their post, don’t forget to live. This is one of only two choices we have in life, the other is death. Some of us find the courage to rise when we are cornered with very few options, any decision is a way out but only very few are beneficial. Perhaps one is the most direct, but we can never know which.
What we can do is centre ourselves, and make the choice that seems most likely to leverage our positions, that’s survival. The follow-up decisions will be based on that first one and how we respond to the results of that first choice.
Perhaps, we have trouble living with how things are, they may seem impossible…but you have to embrace who you are, fix the things you don’t like, and nurture the ones you do like, reality eventually forces us to accept what things are. You have to decide who you want to be, is it an asshole, or a pleasant person? Either one will be memorable.
Some people like you damaged and broken, be wary of those people… They thrive on your misery, and they themselves are not always aware of it. That’s terrible narcissism. They suck your energy… Spend time with quality people and things.
I will end with that.